Cue Willie Nelson *WARNING extremely long rambling post

I did something I will NEVER do again this past week. NEVER. This weekend was opening gun season for deer and we always try to make it to camp for it. Lots of folks show up (total of 18 this weekend) so it's "busy." AD had been at camp getting it ready for us since Tuesday and decided we should come Friday. Well, at the last minute he wanted us to come Thursday. So, I say SURE without thinking it through. And because I am literally exhausted and gimped up (will get to that in a minute), I am going the crappy non-creative route for my blog. Please forgive me. ;)

THURSDAY: I leave the house at 730 and drive Blakely to school in Marianna. Throw her out of the car (JK, but almost) and head immediately to ASU in Jonesboro, a jaunty 1 1/2 hour drive north. Get there turn in 2 papers (took all of 25 minutes) and leave to go back to pick her up in Marianna before lunch. Drive 2 1/2 to Monticello to deer camp. Arrive and immediately get into hunting gear and head to my stand. It is now 330. Sit there until 530 to see absolutely NO deer.

Now, gun season didn't come in until Saturday so I am lugging my crossbow. And it is NOT light.

Blakely and I steal the camper bed so AD had to sleep on the couch. Bad girls, I know. Most people know that I am a morning person and my family is definitely NOT. I left them sleeping at 5 am to go back to my stand for Day 2 of bowhunting.

FRIDAY: If you read my blog, you know I'm not a big fan of the woods at night. Welll, I'm also not a big fan of them at dark before daylight. Creeps me out. It's sooooo quiet and eerie at first then you hear all sorts of scary noises. Did I mention my bow was heavy? Well, lugging it to my stand with my 400lbs of hunting clothes (because it was cold) AND my backpack with requisite oatmeal creme pies AND diet coke became a "tad" tedious. I swear if I didn't go to the gym regularly...I'd have NEVER made it. I get in the stand and sit there for 3 1/2 hours to see 1 freaky spider, 1 very angry red wasp that turned into very dead wasp, at least 500 squirrels, and 3 crows that looked suspiciously like Poe's Raven. Normally, the crows wouldn't bother me but I'm not gonna lie....it was Friday the 13th!!!! Kind of spoooookky. I normally would've stayed longer but that pretty much sealed it for me. I was very disappointed with no deer, but elated as well I had not had a coronary.

When got back to camp, AD decided to take me to the place he'd been working on for me. Now two guys that I know of had seen my new stand and they wouldn't even get in it. Too high they said. So, needless to say AD felt I probably wouldn't get in it either. Did you know that I also have a fear of heights???? OK. So, we trudge out and I see it. I'm thinking that's kind of high but I see all the deer tracks around the feeder and literally throw caution to the wind. I have on my 400lbs of clothes and my "supply" backpack. My crossbow is on the ground. I'll have to pull it up by a string once I get up there. I go right on over and climb straight up 25 feet (I'm 5'1") and plop my butt down. I don't know who's shocked more, me or AD. LOL He thinks I may not be able to pull the bow up because it's heavy. I'm like the freaking bionic woman because that baby came right on up. Yeah, replay the shock value. I am now sweating profusely. He leaves and I wait.

Ok, this is not so bad I keep telling myself. But in reality, I am about to freak out. I start thinking what if I'm like a cat that climbs a tree and gets stuck? How am I going to get down!?!? Mini-panic attack. What if I have a seizure or black out? What if those ravens come back and pick me off???? But then I hear footsteps. Deer footsteps. yeah, i'm okay now. Totally focused on bambi. In the span of 1 hour I see 6 deer. Of course, none are legal to shoot so I just enjoy the show.

Night falls. It's funny how things can go from good to bad in an instant. Watching deer frolic one minute, next minute thinking psycho killer is in the woods (think Texas chainsaw massacre) and he know just where I am. I text AD and tell him I'm ready. NORMALLY, I know he's not going to get in any hurry. But what'dya know....he's on his way. I think this freaked me out way more. He tells me to stay in the stand until he gets there, but of course I don't listen. It took me 4 tries to get my bow down on the string because I can't tie a knot and I kept getting tangled in the string. Good Lord, it's a wonder I made it down. But I do and I get my flashlight and stand real still against my tree and wait. I hear footsteps. Slow, deliberate, and extremely close to me. This is where I wish I'd never seen any horror movies because they were all running through my mind. I didn't even have a gun but a stupid crossbow. What would I do? Stab them with my arrow?!?!? An arrow is not much defense against a chainsaw. Seriously. The footsteps stop directly in front of me, no more than 10 yards. I turn my flashlight on because I think if I can shine it in the eyes of Leatherface it can buy me some time. LOL It's a doe! She's absolutely big and beautiful! She just stood there and looked at me. Well, actually the light but hey, give me my moment. It was soooo National Geographic. She did not move until she saw the Rhino (fancy 4wheeler) headlights. Wow. What an amazing creature. Totally worth the entire anxiety attack.

I end up on the couch tonight. But not until I sit by the fire and listen to a bunch of crap. That is pretty much a standard deer camp evening.

SATURDAY:

Gun Season!!

I wake up and it feels like I've been in a fight. My butt, back, legs, arms, and shoulders are super sore. Like you feel after lifting lots of weights. Apparently, I'm not doing enough at the gym.

I decide not to return to the high stand because AD is taking Blakely over to the other club. I would have to drive myself (in the dark), walk to the stand that I've only been to once (in the dark), AND climb the "mountain" (in the dark). My momma didn't raise no fool! I went with my family. LOL Of course, I didn't see anything but did get to read several disgruntled texts from AD and Blakely. They'd gotten into it in the stand because she refused to shoot the gun to kill a spike deer. Good grief. Good grief. I'm refereeing on a freakin' deer stand between my spouse and child. Both at a standoff. Both stubborn. It was ridiculous. We got off our stands extremely early and headed back to camp in lovely moods. I decide that afternoon I would take myself to the other stand just so I could get some peace.

Ended up having a guy go with me. Didn't know him but he was very nice. AD set it up because he knows I'm directionally challenged and nightfall would be kind of dicey for me. :) I manage to get right on back up there. Saw one button buck (illegal) and that's it. Nothing cool or scary. This guy wanted to leave before it got too dark which was fine by me so other than not killing a deer, it wasn't too bad.

I decide to stay by myself and not do the whole campfire thing. I'm tired and sore. My arms and legs feel like jelly. I have a headache and my allergies are acting up...plus the Matrix was on. ;)
You would've thought I'd not shown up for dinner with the Queen. AD says everybody wants to know where you are...I really doubt it and do not succumb to his peer pressure. ;)

Slept on couch AGAIN.

SUNDAY:

It's do or die time. I'm going home after morning hunt so I've got to get serious. Of course, my family stays in bed (as usual) and I take myself without ANY help to the "mountain" stand. It hurts to move my arms and legs. I think I may have atrophied my muscles. OK, maybe not but seriously I've pushed them to failure. That 25 foot climb is not looking so good to me. And it's pitch black dark. Of course it is just 520 in the a.m. I seriously am super proud of myself. I didn't panic at all this time. I walked in there expecting to see Leatherface but I was going to kick his butt today. All 527lbs of me. ;)
I climb and sit. Loaded my gun and waited. I could hear a deer but I couldn't see it yet because of the darkness. Gradually, it was getting lighter and I could make out a doe. She was a nice size but it wasn't light enough for me to take a shot. I swear she knew that because she sauntered right on off a little before dawn. Man! I wouldn't see another deer for 2 hours. A little button buck baby that reminded me of Norman the Calf off City Slickers. Too cute. And illegal. Although, even if it was legal I wouldn't have shot it. I have my standards ya know. That was it. After 5 hours on the stand, I'm ready to go home deerless. You can't kill 'em every time. I'm okay with that.

Well, that's my entire deer hunting saga. Lengthy and boring. But I feel better about sharing. ;) The best part of the whole weekend was spending time with my quarreling family (that's how we roll) and getting the best cardio/butt/thigh/shoulder/arm workout of my entire life!

Tomorrow it's back to reality. Two poetry explications and "Sir Gawain and the Green Knight." Oh joy unsurpassed. Hope all have a wonderful week. Later blog readers......

P.S.: I will NEVER drive from Marianna to JB to Marianna to Monticello EVER AGAIN. The End.;)